As I sit here looking out the window at the rain clouds and wet ground, I can’t help but feel a heavy weight in my heart. The rain smells of God, as I nestle my face into his chest, and beg for help.
There are children in my family who are suffering from a broken home and possible sexual abuse and I sit here motionless. I thought I was making the right decision by going with the mom to the hospital for an exam, only to find out the exam really only eliminates the worst case scenario, thus causing more heartache and frustration. I can see in these kids eyes they are hurting. I am not exactly sure what they are hurting about, but their eyes have burned a story on my heart that I can’t get out of my head. I am using the last ounce of energy I have to pray for trust in Child Protective Services, and their discernment. I am spent.
The economy is hitting the majority of my family hard. More and more of the plastic production is being sent to China, and the family business is suffering. Banks won’t step in and loan money to get them over the hump, and since this truly is a family owned and operated business, everyone is hurting. Yet Travis and I can do nothing but watch this all unfold.
I finally figured out the cause of my migraines and $700 later I have been fitted for two bite guards, discovered I have two cavities and one of the worst clenching issues the dentist has seen. As I am sitting here typing I realize I am doing it right now. My jaw will always pop out of place due to the permanent damage I have done. Awesome.
Monkey is still doing great. Her heart is something I admire. She is so loving and sweet and FUNNY. Without her I don’t know where I would be. Still not potty trained, but I know God put her with me for many, many reasons – most of them benefit me.
I guess time marches on, and I know God has great things planned for me and has blessed with so many things. But even though I know that, I can’t help but feel all I am doing is running. Running to stand still.
I read all of your blogs, I check about every other day or so. Life is rough and hard times hit us all. No child deserves to suffer or be abused, but your job as someone who loves them is to make sure they get the help to move on and become stronger people. You are an amazing mommy and that coupled with your devotion make you an asset to the people lucky enough to have you in their life, regardless if they realize it or appreciate it. Keep loving and don’t let yourself get discouraged. *HUGS* to you and monkey and mouse!
Melissa,
Thank you leaving a comment. It’s good to know I am not alone out here in cyberspace… 🙂
It is hard to understand why God would give me information and then keep me in a helpless state. But, as I have learned so many times before, there is a reason and I have to be patient. I am just not good at that!
I hope all is well with you, and I hope you start blogging soon so I can keep up with your ups and downs of staying home!
Love,
Angie
Hey There Chica!
Just wanted to let you know that I check your blog regularly and I’m so sorry for what your family is going through. This is truly shocking to me and also saddens me as I’m pretty sure I know who you are talking about. Having met these children, I am heartbroken. My prayers go out to you and your family.
Sorry I’ve been a bit out of touch. I’ll be honest in saying that it kind of felt like you were pulling away a little bit in the last couple of months. I wanted to give you some space. If I misread you, I am sorry. I have wanted so much for you guys to meet Amanda and I hope that some day you will be able to. I miss you very much and wish that we had more opportunity to visit with each other and offer each other the comfort we once did.
Please know that you are often on my heart and always in my prayers. I hope your pregnancy is going well. I’m sure you must be getting excited about your “official” ultrasound by now. Keep me posted! If not, I will continue to follow you on your blog.
Much Love,
Nina
My sweet Nina,
I am sorry I gave you that impression – I was giving you bonding time with Amanda, and we can’t wait to meet her. We also know how overwhelming friends and family can be when a new one comes along…
I have the boys birthday present… I am sorry we can’t make it. These lessons I signed Monkey up for are once a week for 4 weeks. So missing one is missing 1/4 of the class. I really want her to improve her swimming so I am more comfortable at the pool this summer before I have to keep track of two! I will mail their card as soon as I get my rear in gear – we have the gift card so it’s just a matter of getting the stamp on the envelope.
I have an appt on Wednesday, so we should know then when the big appointment will be. Keep you posted.
A
God is so good. Even in our turmoil, he still remains, holding on to us. Like the poem says “It was then that I carried you”. Someties I wonder what the point is, myself. I cry repeatedly wondering when we’re going to get that break. When will we NOT have to finangle the bills in order to eat. When will we be able to pay all our bills without having to finangle, period. I know God has a plan. Just keep your eye on Him and He will provide. Many hugs!
Thank you for the reassurance. Sorry it took me a couple of days to reply. It’s hard for me to get to the computer these days, let alone check emails, blogs, facebook… whew!!
No worries on the birthday party. I understand people are busy in the summer.
God bless! Hope you are doing well. 😉
Jennifer,
You are so right… and usually I feel so strongly about that too. However, this time I kept wondering, why would God let me see the issues with those kids, then tie my hands? Well, just like God always does, He has already shown me his plan for those children. They are getting the help they need, and things are looking up!