We had Trav’s parents over last night and although we don’t always see eye to eye, I really am blessed to have them in my life. They are among the most caring people I have ever met, and I never doubt their love for us, and their focus on God.
We ended up talking about the situation with my family, and although one night isn’t nearly enough time to give them a complete picture they’ve had some great experiences they shared and I had a couple of ‘ah-ha’ moments.
My mother in law gets me. She knows my heart and she knows I care too much about what others think. She told me she spent years of time, which she now realizes was wasted, worrying about what others thought. She too had disagreements with her family and still doesn’t have a great relationship with them. I do know in my brain that I care too much, but in my heart I just don’t know how to cast those feelings away.
On one hand I get angry with my family for putting all of this on me. I don’t know if that is their intent, but somehow it has become my responsibility to make things work with my sister. Because I have made the conscious decision to step back and allow my sister to work things out for herself for once in her life, I have been thrown away as though I never meant anything to them. And that hurts.
On the other hand I know in my heart that they are running to Julie’s aid right now because she is alone and has no one. I know as a mother I would do everything I could to stop a child from hurting, and I think they are doing the best they know how. I know they are looking to me to be the one to fix the problem because that has always been my role.
I feel like I can see what they cannot. I can see how my sisters choices in life have gotten her where she is and I know God wants to do something miraculous in her life, but he will stand back until she asks. She will not ask until she hits the bottom. I can see how their reaction to this is only hurting her in the long run. I just want to grab them and scream “Why can’t you see that, and why would you want her to continue to hurt???” But for whatever reason God has allowed me to see what they do not, and my parents do not trust my heart and do not have faith in my gifts. Of course, that hurts.
I continue to hurt over my mom even though I want to move on, I haven’t found the strength.
My mother is a pillar of strength. I have vivid memories of her sticking up for what she felt was right. No matter what the consequence. She divorced my dad after 25 years because she knew his behavior and their relationship wasn’t right. It would have been easier to stay and live off of the money and just keep her mouth shut, but she didn’t. Because it wasn’t the right thing to do.
She was not intimidated by anyone and when it came to her kids she was our biggest protector. She would not stand by and allow people to become a bad influence on her kids. She would cut off the world if it was what was best for us.
She’s the kind of mom everyone wanted and very few had… which explained why all of our friends called her ‘mom’ and never wanted to leave our house. I always wanted to be the mom she was.
But now that I have become just like her, I have been cast away.