If you are a regular reader of this little blog, then you might remember that Caterpillar was taken off cows milk about three weeks ago in hopes that he would start sleeping through the night and have a better disposition during the day.  For about four days we were on cloud nine – he was sleeping through the night (and we were too!) for the first time in 15 months.

Well, that time was short lived.  We are back to only a few hours of sleep at a time, with the occasional five hour burst.  Our days are spent trying to limit what we do outside of the house because he will not sleep anywhere but home, and only in his crib.  The thought of missing a nap is not something I think about often, as in the past when we have, it hasn’t been pretty.

I am still trying to figure out what exactly to feed the sweet little boy, as he doesn’t really seem to enjoy anything and most of it ends up on the floor.  Since we are both gluten free, with the addition of his dairy restriction I was struggling to find much he could eat, and even moreso struggling to find something that he would eat.

Today was a bad day.  I had to face the fact that the omission of dairy has not changed anything, and we are on our way back to our pediatricians office for direction.  I am scared for him.

And of course there’s the ‘mothers guilt’.  Have I let this go on too long?  Is this just a boy being a boy and I am expecting too much?  Is there something wrong with him?  I can barely say those words out loud, and the second I do I feel horrible for saying it.

There are times when he is such a sweet baby.  All smiles and hugs and giggles.  There are moments during the day when it’s just me and him and no one else matters.

And then there are not.

So, I am trying to give it all to God.  I have begged him to protect Caterpillar and for truth to be revealed.  And now we wait.  And as all of you know, it’s not my strong suit.