I’m not gonna lie.  We’ve been in a funk.

There’s been an underlying issue that is seeping it’s way into the every day.  I’m sure that means I’m not trusting God enough, but everyday I beg for him to guide us and provide wisdom.

What the issue boils down to is this: Monkey is miserable at school.

This sounds like a no-big-deal, lots of kids don’t like school kinda thing.  Unfortunately, it’s wearing down her little heart, and our hands are pretty tied.

At the start of the year, we were told by the principal that this year might just be a ‘wasted year’ because they simply aren’t able to provide the level of academia she needs in first grade.  There’s a squeeze that happens in first grade at our school, because Kindie is full day (requiring tuition), which equates to some parents holding off on open enrollment until first grade.  Second grade splits into 3 classrooms instead of two (since the Discovery program is added).  Which leaves first grade classrooms very full.  Monkey’s class started with 29.  Coupled with the fact that she’s in a classroom managed by a brand new teacher, who appears to be a bit frazzled and a bit miserable, and let’s just say things went down hill fast.

We felt like we were finally over the initial shock of different her teacher is compared to other REMS teachers, and Monkey was accepted into Discovery for next year (we were notified in January), so we were optimistic we could ride the fumes of the good news until the end of the year.

Not so much.

She no longer wants to go to school at all.  They are supplementing her math and reading outside of the classroom, and she says it’s not enough.  She loves it, but they only supplement twice a week, for about an hour.

She needs to learn the concepts of Everyday Math with the rest of the classroom, but she grasps them in less than a minute, then doesn’t understand why she has to sit there for so long (she says it’s at least an hour – I told her to review her clock skills 😉 ).  She gets in the car every day and either says she had a bad day, or says it was ‘just okay’.  Every night we have tears.  Mostly her, but sometimes me too.  It’s just not like her.  I see her changing, and it’s sad.

She says her teacher’s crabby.  I tell her I’m crabby too, and she no longer thinks that’s funny.  I’m not sure if her teacher is actually crabby, or if Monkey is being oversensitive. Either way, nothing we can do to change it, and Monkey needs to learn that she simply can’t control other peoples behavior.

She doesn’t understand why we make her get up every day to go do something she hates and in her mind doesn’t need.

I’m not saying I agree with her 100% – I do think she’s learning.  It’s just slow.  And when you’re 6, doing anything slow kinda sucks.

I’m sure some of you think that I sound like a spoiled brat … I mean after all, my kid isn’t struggling.  If only I had to walk in those shoes, huh?

What I’ve learned along this crazy path is that the shoes fit very similarly.  In some cases I would argue having a gifted and talented kiddo can be harder.  When it comes to struggling kiddos, they have plans in place, funding available to assist them, and (at least in our school) a lot of communication surrounding their progress.

In our case, there is no funding.  Our teacher told Monkey her supplemental math may be going away because of the cost of the workbooks.  There’s no plan in place, and there’s no team of advisers we communicate with.  The only time we get any information is when we ask.  And history says asking is not the right thing to do with this teacher.  So, we say nothing.  It’s gotten so messed up that I honestly didn’t know what her report card was going to look like.  I knew she was miserable, and I did fear it would impact her grades.  Luckily, that wasn’t the case, but I did wonder.

The district feels the admission into the gifted an talented program is appropriate at the second grade level, which just leaves kids floundering in first.

Since the school has admitted they can’t help us, we are seeking wisdom more now than ever.  We have four long months left, and my little girl is so deflated.

In a desperate attempt to bring some light back into her heart, we purchased some cosmetic glasses that a friend of hers has.  We told her they were ‘cheerful heart’ glasses and when she’s in class and feeling down she can touch the glasses and feel how much we love her and are with her through this experience – however hard it may be.

We’ve decided to give her birthday present early, in an attempt to spread out good things in her life.  We are doing her present this weekend, and her parties next.  The Daddy/Daughter ball is the following weekend, and we are counting down the days until spring break.  We are hoping that little things to look forward to outside of school, will make being inside of that school a little more manageable.

I simply don’t know what else to do for her.  I think struggling through is good for her on some levels.  I do think she’ll (we’ll) come out stronger.  But at the same time, maybe not.

I remember feeling the way she feels right now.  I remember hating the school part of school because it was just boring.  I remember dropping out of college.  After all, why continue to pay when you’re not learning anything?  We are blessed by Daddy’s job in the sense that I don’t need that degree for anything, but what if that wasn’t the case?

Any words of advice or wisdom you feel led to share, please leave a comment or message me.  I’m open for any and all suggestion.

I love you all more than my luggage.