I know I’ve been so bad about blogging, but this time I have an actual reason.  This post is going to be a little over-run with details, and a tad boring, but I am still ‘blogging it all out’ in my head.

Here goes…

I was relaxing with Daddy last Thursday (yes – we were playing World of Warcraft) and all of the sudden my arms started itching.  I looked down and in record time my chest, arms, back and stomach were covered in hives!  I ran and took a shower in an effort to calm my skin down and just blew it off as some sort of reaction to something.  I didn’t really know what hives were caused by, so I looked them up online and here’s the definition:

  1. Raised, often red, welts on the surface of the skin.
  2. A container for housing honeybees.
  3. A place swarming with activity.
  4. Move together. ie. “The bee swarms are hiving”

Well, okay, well I had some welts on the surface of the skin.  No biggie.  We went to bed and around 4:30am I woke up with chest pains.  I tossed and turned, hoping it was just an air bubble or something, but after three hours I decided I’d better drag myself down to the urgent care center just to make sure it wasn’t something serious.  After they made me swallow about 5 different disgusting things, they felt it was related to my heart so I was taken via ambulance to the hospital.  I thought it was a little silly, since the third dose of the medication actually made me feel better, but they insisted.

While we were on the way to the hospital, the rash subsided and by the time I arrived, I felt downright silly.  I was no longer feeling the chest pains and the hives were gone.  Why on earth was I in the ER?  They did several tests including EkG’s, a stress test, and a CT (they said I had thick blood and wanted to make sure it wasn’t a clot) and determined a whole-lotta nothing.  I could actually hear the cash register ‘ding’ in my head every time they came in to talk to me about what they were going to do.

Just before releasing me eight hours later, the hives came back.  They started popping up on my arms, then quickly spread to my chest.  Since I’d had an IV all day, they were able to quickly give me some benedryl and in about 3.2 seconds I was completely stoned.  As the doctor was summing up my paperwork, I was giggling at the fact I could not uncross my eyes.

What a day.

I came home, slept until morning, and woke up with more hives!  I could not believe it.  I have NEVER had an allergic reaction to anything.  Nothing.  Not grass, not pets. NOTHING.  I figured I’d just take some more benedryl and call it a day, but Monga encouraged me to call the doctor just to make sure.  They wanted to see me, so I had to miss Monkey’s soccer game and head in.  When I arrived, the hives were bad, but not terrible.  I waited in the office for a while, and when I next looked down I was covered from head to knee.  My skin looked like a burn victim.  Then, it started becoming harder to breathe.  My lungs started feeling like they were full of phlegm and I started to cough. It was one of the scariest feelings I have ever felt.   I walked out to get Daddy to make sure he heard all of the drugs they were giving me because I knew I’d never remember.  When the nurse returned, she gave me a shot to open my lungs back up, and we were on our way home.  They explained that the plan was to suppress the allergic reaction for four days, pray whatever was causing the reaction would calm down, and then, if I remained reaction free for 48 hours we could start to try to figure out why it happened.

I am in the 48 hour waiting period right now, but so far so good!

During this week from hell, I went to see the endocrinologist.  My thyroid issue was diagnosed four years ago and I’ve never seen a specialist, so I figured it was about time.  It has reached a point where it has impacted far too much of my life.  I have been a crappy friend because  to be honest there are days where I just cannot make myself get out of bed.  Not because I don’t want to, but I physically do not have the energy to stand up and take a shower.

I have allowed friendships to fade because I get tired of explaining that I am sick once again, so it’s just easier to let them think I am just a flake.  I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, and I don’t want people to stay because they feel obligated.  To be honest, I wouldn’t even want to be friends with me.  In the last four years, I have had my gall bladder removed, episodes of migraines, a miscarriage, I was on bed rest for five months, and now I am having these other issues.  I am too much drama for even myself!

But, I digress.  I went to the doctor on Tuesday and after a physical exam of my thyroid the doctor is sending for an ultrasound of my thyroid.  She said my lobes may just be uneven, one may be swollen, or there may be a mass on one of them.  I finished the blood tests and left the office and for the first time in years, I felt positive about my health. She was very familiar with a lot of my symptoms and didn’t seem surprised or confused by them.  That is a first in itself.

Since that visit, I have had a lot of time to think.  I have been on the allergy meds for four days, and pretty much a zombie to the world.  Even though I do not have any more answers than I had last week, I do think I have figured a lot of things out.

First of all, for some stupid reason, I needed the doctor to validate what I was feeling wasn’t in my head.  I don’t know why I needed that, and I am sure the reason isn’t healthy, but I needed it.  I needed someone to back me up.  Someone in my court.  Daddy is supportive, but to be honest, he just doesn’t get it.  I don’t blame him, and if I were him I would likely feel the same way – on the outside I look normal.  There are days where I am 100% myself and I can clean the entire house, run errands and have a completely homemade dinner on the table at exactly 6pm.  Then, there are days when I can’t.  There are days when I have to lay down after I get dressed because I am just that tired.  There isn’t any visible transition between these days, and sometimes it can go from one extreme to the other within hours.

Now that I have somewhat of a trail to follow with regard to diagnosing whatever this crap is, I find myself trying to avoid the ‘see, I told you so’s’.  I feel like saying ‘See I told you it wasn’t just depression’ or ‘See, I really don’t have the energy for a legitimate reason’, but what I am starting to realize is I don’t even care enough to pull out the ‘See, I told you so’ card.  God is revealing truths all around me and I can do nothing but praise Him for that.  He has revealed the hearts of so many in the last few months, and now he is revealing symptoms to the doctors that I normally would have just blown off.  I can feel His presence and He is taking care of me.

He has also provided support in my marriage when I needed it most.  I felt so alone.  I was starting to wonder if these things were actually in my head, and it reached a point where all I could do was give it all to God.  I asked (well, more like begged) Him to reveal what was really going on here, and then, like a whirlwind, events transpired and for the first time Daddy was able to get a glimpse of what I see everyday.  Daddy has been able to come beside me and support me in a way that I never knew was possible because of what God is doing in our lives.  We have become stronger and better then we have ever been – and I thought we were pretty good before.  We are in sync.  We are hiving.