Travis and I have a topic that isn’t going away and no matter how much we debate, fight, cry and spit at each other, we just cannot agree.

I have prayed and prayed.  I have tried to take the advice of friends, books I have read, and things I have read online… but my heart just isn’t in for the change. We have gone to counseling and have taken marriage classes, but yet, we are stuck.

I can admit I am the one that needs to do the changing, but after hours and hours of prayer, my heart remains the same – I just don’t want to do what he needs me to do.  Why?  In our six years of marriage, I have seen the benefit in change on both of our parts, and we really are united in so many ways.

I finally felt good about this pregnancy and I was getting some energy back.  Travis got the fence up, we got the weeds pulled in the back before the HOA sent us a warning, and Monkey made it into preschool at The Rock.  Everything was going great.

Then, this issue rears it’s head and all of that falls to the wayside.

I hate this topic.  I talking about it because Travis is so sensitive about it and I am so clueless.  I hate it because I see the way it creates a wedge between us that no other man or spirit can do.  I hate it because I am wrong.

So, what do I do?  How do I pretend my heart has changed, when it really hasn’t?  How can I understand that Gods plan would include heartache in our marriage?  Where is the light at the end of our tunnel?

The prayers continue, as does the frustration.  The fight will pass, and time will gone on and we will be good again.  Until, next time.  There will be a next time because there is no resolution.  We are at an impasse.  How can that be?