I made the decision to leave The Rock MOPS.

It had just gotten to the point where being on leadership wasn’t worth the time I was investing.  I added up my time the other day before leaving and I was investing approximately 50 hours per month into that ministry.  I was comfortable doing so, but it had reached a point where I was witnessing the focus switch (once again) from God, to internal politics and personal agenda.  After last year, I did not have the fight in me needed to even attempt to try to change the hearts of the women in charge.  Nor did I feel like it’s necessarily my job to do so.  Tuesday I made the decision to step down.

I don’t know what it is in me that just can’t seem to be a part of something that I don’t agree with 100%.  When I left my job it was because they wanted to cover up some relatively small details to avoid what they thought could turn into something big.  I couldn’t do it, so I left.  I walked away from a pretty promising career, making a very good salary because something in me just could not turn a blind eye to what was right.

It’s the same situation with MOPS.  I loved the work I was doing.  I loved serving women in a stage of life that can be so trying and downright scary.  So, why not just turn a blind eye to the other issues?  Why is it that last year I was able to put my head down and just do my work … yet this year I just couldn’t?

No idea.

But, I do know once I quit, I was scared.  Scared that I would return to being as lonely as I was before I joined four years ago.

The one person, who in my mind, should have some sort of response (the leader) had none.  Two days of silence from her, followed up by an email request for the website passwords.  As I read those words I realized I was not going to be alone, because spending my time with people who care so little about me indicates I already was alone.  I knew then I made the right decision.  Instead of walking away from something I loved, I would be able to take back those 50 hours a month and fill them with people who actually care about me and what I have to give.  People who actually feel like I cannot simply be replaced by the next applicant.

The surprising thing to me through all of this, is not only the outpouring of support and love I’ve received from not only people in MOPS, but mommies that have left MOPS in previous years.  I want each of you to know my goal is to be able to continue to serve you as part of the community.  With the gift of time on my side, I know I’ll be able to do more things like making meals for people in need and I’ll be able to bless your children as I serve at Monkey’s school.  More importantly, I’ll have more time in The Word, and I’ll be praying for each and every one of you often.  So, if you have needs, either spoken or unspoken, please know I am here to help in any way I can.  I’d love to think that even though MOPS came to a disappointing end, it will always be a blessing in my life because it made me a better mommy and a better friend.  For those of you left on steering that have felt as though I left you to fight the fight alone, please know you were the reason I stayed as long as I did.

But in the end I realized, it’s not you that I have to decide for, it’s me.

With all of that, we are leaving for Disney on Tuesday, and my plan is to start the vacation NOW.  So, I don’t think I’ll be blogging while we are there, but I just might surprise you.  Otherwise, I’ll see you in a couple of weeks!!