Awake.

At 3am.

With the sudden reality check that Caterpillar will be here in three months. That’s just three more paychecks before the little one is here, and we’ve yet to do anything. We haven’t started his room, haven’t bought any clothes or a car seat. Haven’t done anything. I guess my thought was to strap the naked baby on the top of the car for the ride home and pray for the best. Procrastination at its finest.

Well, that’s not entirely true. For the last month or two, we have had to tighten our financial belts a little. We had some unexpected medical things arise and as a result things we have been, for the first time since I started staying home, challenging. While we realize how blessed we are since I have been home for a year and seven months and pretty much did whatever we wanted financially (within reason) and I had forgotten for a while what it’s like to not come and go as I please.

I am sure it’s just the raging hormones, and the ‘nesting instinct’ has surely kicked in, along with the panic. So, I wake up Daddy and ask him if he knew Caterpillar would be here in a mere 90 days. I pointed out with Monkey I had a large shower and received a lot of high ticket items from friends and family. I explained we now had to purchase everything by ourselves on top of Monkeys expenses. He says he knows and isn’t worried because God always provides, and because he has a lot of invoices through our side business due before then, and after a little chit chat goes back to sleep.

I laid awake for another hour questioning why I didn’t share his confidence.

What I came to realize today, as I was panting and struggling with my belly in order to scrub the poop off of Stinky Magoo, is the last couple of months have been kind of fun. We haven’t had a bunch of things to go buy, and a bunch of errands to run. I’ve taken the time to virtual window shop and I feel I have selected the best quality and best valued products for Caterpillar. When the time comes to make the purchase, I will feel confident in my choices.

And, I do know God will provide. Every time I have taken a leap of faith he has caught me. I am reminded of my decision to stay home in the first place. For those of you who don’t know, I’ll catch you up:

It was my dream to stay home. We had hoped and prayed for it for a long time, but it was always something we said we could do ‘someday’. We were not financially ready, or really preparing for it. Daddy and I together made over six figures, yet we had nothing in savings. Our actions did not support our desires.

Through a series of unfortunate events, I came to realize how little trust I had in the company and people I worked for and with. I witnessed things that were not only disappointing, but were actually disturbing. The team of people I managed in an attempt to make themselves look better had sold out to lies and deceit. I felt like as their leader, I had failed.

At the church we were attending, we were in the middle of a head pastor change, therefore we were having a guest speaker named Scotty Priest. God used this man to send a very clear message. He spoke of ‘taking the plunge’ and taking the leap of faith in our lives instead of just talking about it. This man had never met us, nor did he know our situation, yet for some reason his eyes were uncomfortably drawn to ours as the sermon was delivered. So much so that I leaned back to Daddy and whispered ‘is he talking to us?’ The following Monday I gave my notice. By doing so, I was leaving a pretty substantial bonus out on the table and likely a pay increase for the following year, but I couldn’t wait the three months I would have had to in order to receive it. God was calling me to act now.

We were scared to say the least. We had no safety net and no plan.

What I learned is we did have a safety net. I just hadn’t needed HIM before. I thought I had, and I thought I knew His strength, but until we jumped we had no idea.

All along, in my head I knew Daddy was right. God will provide. He always has and always will. He will provide what we need – and that may not be the items on my registry. That may be the bare minimum.

And in my heart, I have finally reached the point where the bare minimum is more than enough.